


Not at home

by jasmasson



Category: The OC
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-10-30
Updated: 2004-10-30
Packaged: 2017-10-19 09:37:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/199449
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jasmasson/pseuds/jasmasson
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ryan goes to get Seth from Portland</p>
            </blockquote>





	Not at home

**Author's Note:**

> Written between S1 and S2

***

Ryan hadn’t hesitated for a second when Sandy had asked him.  He’d do anything for the Cohens.  He was grateful to them.  He owed them. Hell, he *loved* them.  But as he approached, he couldn’t help wondering if this was really a good idea.

He could see why they thought they needed a new approach.  Seth had been phoning the Cohens regularly to assure them he was fine, but had remained unmoved by their pleas to come home.  Ryan could see why, therefore, they felt it wouldn’t do any good for them to come and try to get Seth to go home.

However, why they thought Ryan could help, he wasn’t quite sure.  Surely Summer would have been the better bet.  After all, Seth phoned Summer too.  Not really for what could be classed as conversation, he understood from Sandy, just to be yelled at and roundly abused and threatened with severe physical violence upon his return.  Nevertheless, Seth called Summer every Tuesday without fail, just as he called his parents every Monday, and apparently Summer had been absolutely devastated when Seth hadn’t been able to call one Tuesday because of bad weather.

But Seth had never phoned Ryan.  Even though Ryan knew Sandy had given him his Chino number, because Ryan had swallowed his pride and *asked* him to, but still no call.

So why Sandy had asked him to go when Luke had called to tell them that Seth was with him was a little bit of a mystery.

But Ryan hadn’t hesitated.  He’d do anything for the Cohens, and if he was honest, he was dying to see Seth again. 

He’d replayed their parting scene over and over and wished he could have done it differently, but Seth had caught him off guard.  He’d remembered the warm, sleepy hug Seth had given him when he’d gone back to Chino so briefly before and had expected the same, or more, now they were so much closer. 

He hadn’t expected the coldness.  It had hurt him more than he’d ever have believed.  Standing there with tears in his eyes expecting, *wanting* so badly to hold Seth, but unable to do anything about it.  Seth was the one who did emotion, who did words and affection, but for the first time since Ryan had known him, Seth wasn’t giving, and Ryan simply didn’t know how.

 He’d try as hard as he could to get Seth to go home, back where he belonged, back where he was loved, but in all honesty he knew his primary motivation was to make things right again between them.  To make himself Seth’s Wednesday night call.

Seth was reading a comic book out in Luke’s yard.  His hair was a little longer, but just as curly and Ryan’s heart leapt at the familiar sigh of him, head buried in a comic book.  His feet carried him inexorably towards Seth, and weren’t listening to his brain that was suggesting maybe he should have thought of something to say on the long trip out here.

Before Seth heard him and looked up.  Too late.  Seth’s expression rushed through a range of emotions too quickly for Ryan to read and settled into something cold.  Ryan felt his stomach drop a little as Seth stood up.  He thought for a horrible moment Seth was going to walk away, but he didn’t.

“Hey,” he said, rather uninspiredly.

“Hey Ryan.”

There was silence.  Ryan felt himself getting simultaneously frightened and angry.  It was *Seth’s* job to make conversation, dammit!

“So, Portland, huh?”

“Yeah,” Seth shrugged.  “I know it’s no Chino...”

Ryan smiled wryly, but there was no answering smile from Seth.

“I guess Luke called, huh?”  Seth picked up his comic book and began walking towards the house.  Ryan followed uncertainly.  “I never did like that kid.”

“Yeah,” Ryan grins, remembering all the snarky, but not really nasty comments, from Seth at Luke’s expense.  “I couldn’t believe you’d come here, man.”

“Why not?”  Seth turned to look at Ryan directly, hand on the doorknob.  “It’s not like I have any other friends.”

Ryan gasped, actually gasped, as Seth’s words hit him like a punch in the belly.  *Years* of merciless bullying from Luke only got him mild mocking from Seth, Ryan had done nothing, *nothing* to justify this, this, *cruelty*. 

He fought for something to say, but Seth just turned and carried on into the house, leaving Ryan standing on the doorstep with tears in his eyes.

A heavy tread approached the neat, modern kitchen the back door led into and Luke burst in.

“Hey Seth, have you...” Luke caught sight of Ryan at the doorstep and grinned in pleasure.  “Hey, Chino!  Welcome to Portland, bitch.”

Ryan blinked the tears away rapidly and cleared his throat, stepping into the house to meet Luke’s hand clasp.

“Hey Luke, how’s it going?”

“Not bad, bro.  How’s your lady?”

“Fine.”  He didn’t want to think about Teresa right now.  “How’s your Dad?”

“Fine.  He and David seem pretty happy together.”  Luke shrugged.  “David’s cool.  It’s a bit weird.  But... it’s cool.”

“How’re you settling in at school, man?”  Ryan asked, happy to talk to Luke to put off talking to Seth, who leaned casually against the counter, watching them.

“OK. Their football team pretty much sucked, so they were quite pleased to see me.”  Luke grinned.

“Pretty unfair really,” Seth spoke up.  “I was hoping to come here and find him being bullied all to hell.  But no.  I underestimated the power of sports and testosterone.”

“Some people are just born to be popular, man,” Luke said grinning. Clearly they’d had this conversation before.

“You laugh now, Mister, but just you wait.  Think of all the good you’d be doing your Karma by being bullied now.  But no.  I pity you in your next life, man.”  Seth shook his head in mock sadness.  “You’re coming back way down the chain.  A dog.  A snake.  An ass.”

“A dung-beetle,” Ryan put in, wanting to break up their cosy banter.

Seth looked at him, the humor gone. “Or you could come back born in Chino.”

A pause.  Ryan flinched inwardly at the un-Seth-like nastiness.  Not even funny nastiness.  Very un-Seth-like.

Luke looked uncomfortable, and broke the silence.

“Hey, my Dad and David are away for the weekend.  We were going to order pizza and have a DVD fest.  You in, Chino?”

“Sure,” Ryan said, because he was going to have to stay because he couldn’t imagine talking to Seth about going home when Seth’s eyes are so dark, and he thinks it might be some time before they’re bright again.

***

The evening went horribly.  Seth sat next to Luke on the sofa and Ryan sat in a chair and watched them banter.  He hated Luke, who, dammit, wasn’t smart enough for Seth’s banter, but Seth was patient and bizarrely gentle, but whenever Ryan added something to the conversation he began to realise how effective the Seth Cohen retaliatory zinger must have been.

Ryan just sat there and stewed quietly, and thought angrily that the moment was going to come when his not renowned patience was going to snap and he wasn’t going to take this from Seth any more.

Inconveniently, that moment came at 4 am.  Ryan had been lying in bed for a few hours mulling over all the snide barbs that had come his way all evening, and replaying the first, the worst, over in his head for the hundredth time, “It’s not like I have any other friends”, when he threw the covers off and stalked over to Seth’s room.

He didn’t open the door quietly.

“Seth,” he said loudly.

“Shut the door, you’ll wake Luke,” Seth hissed back.

Ryan could tell from Seth’s voice he hadn’t been asleep.  He closed the door as Seth switched on the lamp and sat up in bed, his white t-shirt bright in the dim light.  He was mussed and crumpled, but Ryan could still see that hateful, cold expression.

“What?”

Ryan shook his head, realising that he should, once again, have thought about what he was going to say before he got to this point.

“What the hell are you doing here, Seth,” he asked, focusing on his mission.  “You don’t belong here.  Come home.”

“Do you mean that, Ryan?  Because I don’t think you mean ‘Come home’, as in come home with me, I think you mean ‘Go home’.  While you go back to Chino.”

“I have responsibilities, man.  And so do you, to your parents.  They’re going crazy without you.  They’ve sent me to make you go home, so come on, Seth.  You love your parents.  Don’t do this to them.”

Seth flinched slightly at Ryan’s words, but his voice was unconcerned.  “I’ve heard this all from them, Ryan, and they have a lot more right to say it to me than you do.  You left, Ryan.  You did this, so don’t blame it all on me.  And you can just fuck off back to Chino, man, because I can tell you now any argument you make for going home is going to fail on the grounds of pure hypocrisy.”

“I had to go,” Ryan ground out in frustration, “I couldn’t leave Teresa to do this on her own.  I didn’t *want* to go, you know that, and you’re acting like a spoiled brat hurting your parents like this just because you didn’t get your way.”

“Yeah well, don’t act so surprised.  I’m a rich kid from Newport Beach.  Actually, thanks to you, I’m an *only child* from Newport Beach.  I have to be spoiled.  It’s some kind of law.”

“This isn’t like you, Seth.  You’re better than this.”

“What do you know?  You were only nice to me because you were living in my house and to get on my parents’ good side.  You never gave a damn.  You dumped me... us as soon as something else came along.  We were never really friends.”

Ryan swallowed.  “C’mon Seth, that’s spectacularly unfair, and you know it.”

“What?” Seth asked, innocently.  “I didn’t hurt your feelings, did I?  Tough guy from Chino.  How you must have laughed when I said we were like brothers and you were just using me for a cushy stay in the pool house.”

Ryan was across the room before he really realised what he was doing.  “Shut up!” his hands gripped Seth’s shoulders and he shook him.

Seth stared at him with wide eyes.  Ryan let go, but stayed sitting on the bed where he’d landed.

“I know you don’t believe that, Seth.  I know you’re just saying these things to punish me, so stop it right now.”

Seth said nothing for a moment, then turned away.

“You hurt me, Ryan.”

Seth’s voice was calm, and ironically it was Ryan’s that was rough.

“I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to.”

Seth shook his head.  “I’ve never been hurt like that before, you know.  Sure, by mean kids in school, but I knew nothing they said really mattered.  It hurt so bad that you’d leave me.  I’ve never been hurt by anyone I... cared about before.”

Ryan’s throat closed, and he swallowed a few times before responding.

“I’m sorry, Seth.  You know I didn’t want to go.”

Seth nodded, but stayed silent.

“I missed you,” Ryan whispered hesitantly, wondering if he’d ever said anything so emotional in his life.

“Really?”  Seth isn’t being mean now, he’s really uncertain.

“Every day.”  And that’s the truth.

“I missed you too.”  Seth looked at Ryan and shrugged.  “That’s why I don’t want to be home, where you should be.  It’ll make it even worse.”

Ryan nodded as he tried to imagine Newport Beach without Seth.

“I know.  But you’re hurting your parents; I know you don’t want to do that.  They love you so much and you should be home.”

Seth sighed.  “I’ll go back in time for school, I promise.”  Seth smiled wryly, and Ryan grinned back, relieved.  He’d been so worried about Seth; he’d feel so much better to think of him back where he was loved.

“Although,” Seth said in a normal tone, “if my parents really loved me they wouldn’t want me to come home because Summer is absolutely going to *kill* me.  I’ve heard a number of exciting little scenarios, and I think her favorite is choking me to death with Captain Oates, which I think is unjust.  After all, Captain Oates didn’t have a choice.  I kidnapped him to come with me.  He begged me not to go.”

“She’ll come round.  She loves you, man,” Ryan said, certain of that.  He knew Summer would be angry, but he also knew for all her bravado Seth held her heart in his hand and she’d forgive him as soon as he looked at her with sad puppy dog eyes.  The way Ryan had forgiven him already for his earlier cruelty, and the way the Cohens will forgive him as soon as they hold him in their arms.

“Shit, I’ve hurt her, though.”  Seth rubbed his eyes, wearily.  “I never wanted to do that.  I always knew she was so much more than everybody else saw, but she’s a far better person than I ever imagined.  I love her, and I’ve hurt her.”

Ryan didn’t say anything; he’d never heard Seth say he loved her before and the image that sprung into his mind suddenly of Seth and Summer married with children living in Newport Beach in rich domestic bliss made him feel a little queasy.  He tried to be happy for them, knowing that Seth and Summer were two of the good people in life who deserved happiness, and put his jealousy down to the tough slog it was going to be for himself and Teresa.

“She’ll forgive you.  You’ll be back in her arms in no time.”

Seth shook his head.  “No.  I hope she’ll forgive me.  I’d give anything to be her friend.  I *do* love her, but we’re not right for each other.  I wouldn’t have left if she’d been the one.”

Seth looked sad, and Ryan sighed. 

“Well, there’s still a few weeks left before school.  Maybe you can stop off in Pittsburgh on your way home.”

 “Maybe.”  Seth shrugged.  “How long are you staying for, man?”

“I can stay another day.  I have to be back at work on Monday.”

“We’d better make the most of it.  I have a whole lot of anger at you stored up, just waiting to be sublimated.  I’m totally gonna get medieval on your ass on Play Station.  You’re goin’ down, dude.”

Ryan grinned, “No way.  Prepare to get your ass kicked, my friend.”

”Yeah, right.”  Seth grinned back, then his face sobered.  “I really have missed you.”

Ryan nodded, uncomfortable with emotion now.  Too much for the one day.

Seth laughed at him gently.

“You really are rubbish at this, aren’t you?”

Seth reached out and hugged him. 

Surprised, Ryan hugged back.  Seth’s curls tickled his nose.  He smelt good, and he felt good.  Warm and firm and like he fitted into Ryan’s arms.

Seth went to pull back after a moment, but Ryan held on.  This felt so right and there was still a little while before he had to let go.


End file.
